i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
