my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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