Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
