K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
