I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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