dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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