Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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