i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
