I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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