I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
