its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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