At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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