what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
