I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
