Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
