I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
