shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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