I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
