her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
