He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
