I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
