She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
