By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
