After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
