who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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