His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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