you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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