I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
