I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i believe in u and ur pee
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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