How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
