So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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