what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
