He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Your cock deserves a montage
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
