We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
