I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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