I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
