you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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