I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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