he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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