I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
