I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
