Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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