I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
