$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There r osticjed everywhere
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can you bring me the toilet please
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
