I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
