I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
