Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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