I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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