I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
