it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
