You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
